European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - August 18, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Last laugh in Page 24vcr problems can consume real tape Dave Barryte Miami Herald its time for consumer advice for Normal humans the popular feature that has been endorsed by top consumer authorities including Ralph Nader consumer reports mister Rogers Gen. Norman Schwarzkopf  Elizabeths i and ii because it answers the questions of real Consumers defined As a Consumers who frequently have to open a childproof aspirin bottles with their   with the most common consumer question namely q. Is there anything i can do about the irritating Light on my Var that has been flashing �?o12 00�?� since the first term of the Reagan administration a. You have several options Here. My wife following the recommendation of leading Csc tropics experts makes the Light go away at night by draping a Standard hand Towel Over the Var. However a Friend of ours named Hannah informs us that you can obtain More permanent results by covering the Light with a piece of Black electricians tape. Q. What if i done to know any Black electricians a. You know what we mean you silly Goose. Q. How come the manufacturers done to put the Light in Back of the Var where you can to see it or just make Vars without the Light a. Because then they would have no Way of constantly reminding you the consumer what a Moron you Are for not remembering How to program your Var. The original plan was to have the Light constantly Flash the words you Bone head but the manufacturers decided that this would be too obvious q. The government should require that every Var instruction manual have a Section entitled we re not so Bright ourselves which would consist of True anecdotes involving stupid things that have been done by Var design engineers like the time at the Var design engineers cookout when they hooked up the Gas Barbecue Grill incorrectly and were lacerated by a Hail of spare ribs travelling at upward of 270 Miles per hour. A a a serves them right. Q. What should i do with the 47 pounds of videotapes i made of the Public broadcasting system series on the civil War a. This is a growing consumer problem. Government analysts estimate that 76 percent of the nations strategic videotape Supply is being used to store the civil War series which nobody has time to watch All the Way through for the same reason that nobody was Able to watch it All the Way through the first time namely that it lasted longer than the actual civil War. But you can to erase this series because its excellent to amp Levision that you really plan to watch some Day just As you really plan to watch All the other vital videotapes you arc carefully saving in a Large Unlaub Clad dust covered pile containing such video treasures As the first 12 minutes of the 1983 recording Industry All Star Salute to the accordion or the entire four part 1986 National geographic nature special on molluscs that spit. A Friend of ours named Paddy reports that he tried to free himself from his civil War tapes by putting them in a grocery bag and a a lending them to a Friend named Fred in Hopes that they would gradually become absorbed into Fred a vital videotape pile. But Fred saw what Paddy was up to and shrewdly returned the bag. Paddy suspects that the bags amps Sharon Kilday contains More videotapes than when he Lent it and possibly Zucchini. This mass of tapes will probably be passed Back and Forth like a gift Fruitcake Between the two households for years to come gradually increasing in size until eventually it has to travel via rental truck q. What qualities should a consumer look for in a rental truck a. It should look As though previous renters were delivering calves on the scat. A How can i be sure that my Bank is a Safe place for my Money a. The associated american banking association recommends that you go to the Bank personally and get answers to the following questions Are there people standing around wearing ski masks but not skiing docs the guard have a gun does he know How to use it As a depositor you have the Legal right to obtain a complimentary Bank Calendar and see if the guard can shoot a Hole through the weekday of your Choice from 10 paces q. May he shoot through a Legal Holiday a done to be ridiculous. Next weeks consumer topic our Long distance Telephone options and Why we done to Ever want to hear another word about them. 1 t3 a. To. C Ltd bar Amsterdam Netherlands a a la a it by a Quot yes mrs. Hudson its a Nasty Poser even for or. Holmes who put the Bam in the  Quot about 3 great musicals 1. West Side Story a conceived As East Side Story 2. Fiddler on the roof a 48 songs written 14 used 3. Cabaret a 3v& years Conception to stage 4. West Side Story a originally Maria to commit suicide 5. Fiddler on the roof Frank Sinatra wanted tevye role 6. Cabaret a 47 songs written 15 used 7. West Side Story a originally catholics is. Jews b. Fiddler on the roof a first titled the old country and tevye source Broadway song and Story 3 actors who played corpses 1. Tom Selleck a in coma 1978 2. Errol Flynn a in the Case of the curious Bride 1935 3. Kevin Costner in the big chill 1983 source world features Syndicate sunday Augusi 18, 1991