European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - August 18, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse Terror lingerie Tower above action movie there a nothing that gets my blood pumping like women Clad in lingerie using automatic weapons and that a basically what we have in Tower of terror the latest from director Jim a remove your tops now Wonorski and his fellow feminists at Roger Cormanis concorde pictures. This is the drive in version of die hard with five luscious Bim Bettes trapped in a High Rise where someone or something is sneaking up on women and planting a meat Hook in their necks. By a strange coincidence the five women Are All working at Acme lingerie and by another strange coincidence they All get dirty in the first 15 minutes of the movie and have to take showers. One by one no group showers for Jimbo and by an even stranger coincidence they discovered a Box containing the a new fall line of Acme lingerie and decide a of what the hell a they should Wear it. So by the time the killer gets Busy we have the a Ole victorians secret catalogue running through an office building screaming and spraying machine gun fire. And every time there a a moment of extreme danger a when any Norma person would say a a let a stick together a they always say a you go that Way and ill go this i love this movie. Sixteen breasts. Twelve dead bodies. Hot pants. Tube tops. Denim cutoffs. Camisoles. Bustiers. Bikinis. Lace bodysuits. Satin Teddy. Pushup bras. Spaghetti straps. Spandex out the wazoo. Bimbos drenched by fire sprinkler system for an extremely apparent reason. Neck cracking. Multiple splatter. Gratuitous Flashback from slumber party massacre. Gratuitous Thunder and lightning even in scenes where no one is within a mile of a window or door. Meat Hook fun. Machete fun. Power Drill fun. Drive in Academy award nominations for Orville Ketchum the fat pocked face plaid shirted Weirdo Geek for saying a they May have killed his body but he swore his spirit would never die and for getting stabbed repeatedly with a letter opener strangled spiked in the neck head butted Staple gunned knocked Down a flight of stairs bashed with a garbage lid pushed off a fifteen Story building and machine gunned three different times but living to Tell the Story Lindsay Taylor As the Secretary who types 14 words a minute but is great at overtime for saying a any hot water left Shower time a Forrest j. Ackerman the legendary editor of famous monsters of film land Magazine As the eccentric scientist for successfully delivering All his lines Melissa Moore for her two enormous talents Bridget Carney for deciding to put on a Nightie and go Down to the lobby to wait on the Domino s pizza Guy Debra dare for bursting into the Shower and saying a Sta a one red Nightie As requested a and a they Meatball Over Here a Robyn Harris for getting blood All Over her breasts limping through half the movie like Jamic Lee Curtis and screaming a a in a sorry to be so Blunt but we just done to have the time a Mark Mcgee and James b. Rogers the screenwriters for lines like a you mean to Tell me everybody a dead a and Jimbo Wonorski the director who Calls himself a March Stanton in the credits to this movie so done to Tell anybody. Four stars. Joe Bob says Check it release of the week Highway to hell. 1989. A sadistic serial killer rampages through Texas executing old ladies running Down Small children shooting winos Between the Eye killing people who try to pass him on the interstate blowing up police helicopters taking coeds hostage beating rude Gas station attendants Over the head with a Hammer chasing a girl through Fields with a Machete and worst of All shooting holes in Street signs in this drive in version of sugar land express. Starring Benton Jennings As the Man who loves guns so much he. Gets mad and shoots his own truck and directed by . Jenkins finest filmmaker in fort Worth. Two bobs advice to the hopeless Republican Alert the Park drive in in Buffalo has been Lorn Down for a disgusting reason they want the land for a new medical Center. Its a plot. First make people sick then cure Mem at the same place you made Mem sick. Mike Faust of video Magazine reminds us that without eternal vigilance it can happen Here. Dear Joe Bob your column about Turkey Hunting would have been just hilarious if you weren to writing about killing gentle Birds for kicks. I realize that this column was written As a joke and please done to think that Ani it Mal advocates Lack a sense of humor because we find a blowing the head of a Gobbler and splattering a Little Turkey flesh on a tree trunk not very funny. 1 have seen animals killed by Hunters and not once did i get the urge to break out in whoops of laughter. If you Hunt i Hope you will put yourself in your victims place. Imagine being in a bar and having a Beautiful woman lure you Over to her. She lifts her skirt to show some of her Silky thigh. You approach her and she blows your brains All Over the bar. She laughs with her friends and they All get to work gutting you and pulling out All your hair. Its wrong Joe Bob. Since you re probably thinking a Well what Are you eating for thanksgiving this year you hypocrite a i am enclosing some great vegetarian Holiday recipes. By eating this delicious food that does no to bleed during any part of the preparation you can save a Turkey and reduce your risk of heart disease cancer stroke arthritis ulcer adult Onset diabetes and a Long list of other serious ailments. You a Proba Joe Bob Briggs creators Syndicate Bly make Wanda Happy too. Please let us know if you want More recipes or information. Meanwhile thank you for your time. Sincerely Teresa Gibbs people for the ethical treatment of animals Washington . Dear Teresa actually that is about the Way women treat me when in a in a bar. Its called a satire a Honey. Dear Joe Bob excellent column on to Derek s movie but one thing. I believe instead of taking her clothes it off she should put More clothes on. I have seen 10 and Bolero and two things Are for sure. 1 she can to act. 2 she is not that pretty. She is very Plain looking. What do you think now Kathleen Turner will really get the motor running and Kim Bassinger definitely will Over Rev the engine. Mike Goewey Midlothian a. Dear Mike i have to disagree with you on bodacious to. Her Bod has More curves in it than the Loch Ness monster. Dear Joe Bob i would like to know what your favorite drive in flick of All time is. Mine is the original the evil dead which was plugged by big Steve and had Many scenes of the camera attacking the actors. Evil dead ii is my second favorite. Which drive in movie have you seen that has the highest vomit meter rating or for that matter the highest amount of on screen vomit one contender is a non drive in Movic Monty pythons the meaning of life which features at least 30 Gallons of vomit plus lots of naked women and a great liver rom Deal scene. Only problem is it was made by the wimpy British who nearly banned the evil dead in their country. Or maybe they did ban it. I Dunno one More thing is we Are the weird the song available on tape or cd sincerely Jim Garfield san Diego dear Jimbo favorite of All time the Texas Chainsaw massacre the original. Although 1 think hell Raiser is actually a better movie. Evil dead is definitely in my top 10 list. Highest vomit meter rating make them die slowly. But for actual vomit nothing compares to that fat Man in the restaurant projectile vomit scene in Monty pythons the meaning of life. I used to sing we Are the weird the song in concert and in be done it on radio stations but in be never actually recorded it. To discuss the meaning of life with Joe Bob or to get free junk in the mail and his world famous we Are the weird newsletter write Box 2002, Dallas. To 75221. Or lax him at 214-368-2310. August 18, 1991 sunday a
