European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - September 1, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Odds amp end so you think % you know about mental cruelty miss m Luerma b0mbeckytia amp Eggl Universal press Syndicate for years in be heard the term a mental  other than knowing it was grounds for divorce 1 had no idea what it meant. Until recently. Mental cruelty is when your husband involves you in a conversation in which he cannot remember the name of the person place or thing. When he is sure you Are straining every brain cell and reflex in your entire body he will say a ooh Well forget it. Its not important a and change a the subject. Without a doubt it is the most hideous form of mental agony Ever foisted on another human being. What docs he mean a forget it to forget it is to admit that you arc As Flake As he is. It then becomes a desperate race to come up with the name that no one can remember. Its a genetic thing with my husband. His Mother had it too. She would sit there with me watching a late movie on television and As a waiter hovered in the shadows at the Edge of the screen shed say a a what a his name of you know. He never really became a big Star but he a always the villain. Of Well never  that was it for me. The movie stripped right there while i tormented myself trying to remember that Man s name. First i tried going through the alphabet and pausing at every letter to see if a name popped out of my subconscious. Then i made a few inquiries on the phone. As my Moth or in Law got up and walked toward the door i demanded a where do you think you re going a a Home a she said. A a it a  Quot and leave me with a Man with no name you be got to be  at i . She called. My eyes were the size of garbage can lids and had been staring at the ceiling for three hours. A a it a Lyle Talbot Quot she said. A Good night  sometimes there is no Happy ending. We were All sitting around the other sunday when my husband said a what was the name of that restaurant Back in Dayton that we used to go to All the time a we All tried. No one could think of it. Quot it begins with an re he said a i know that  dinner got cold. The dishes were cleared away and we All sat there lost in our thoughts unable to make conversation. We must have gone through 100 names. Finally i rummaged through old drawers and found a Dayton phone Book. Quot in be got it a i shouted. A a it a Zacchia torrid a. Now that you be ruined our entire evening what about it a Quot nothing a he said. Quot they  i say divorce is too Good for him by Judith Martin features Syndicate dear miss manners i open my banana while holding the break off Stem in my hand a in other words upside Down according to my co workers who find this quite funny. Is there a proper and right Way to Peel a banana or is it jul a matter of Choice gentle Reader upside Down where arc your feet during this operation Only those who hang upside Down while eating bananas May properly evoke amuse mint. But you done to do that because your banana would be right Side up. Unless a of never mind. Anyway it seems to miss manners that it could be equally Well argued that a banana is right Side tip the Way it grows or the Way it would be held if you grasped a Bunch by the stems. Miss manners is prepared to say that Choice is allowed about the direction in which one eats a banana under informal circumstances. Formal banana eating requires doing the entire operation with fruit Fork. Trust miss manners a you done to want to hear about it she is not granting Complete Liberty to invent new methods having had too much experience with the inventiveness of those who like to play with their food. And by the Way she has a question of her own is there not enough work to be done at your office dear miss manners my husband and i bowl in a league once a week with another couple. I like the wife very much. The husband seems to think he is god s gift to women. He is almost constantly putting his arms around his wife and kissing her in Public. They have been married about eight years and it is the second marriage for both. We have known him Many years longer than her. A couple of weeks ago his wife and i were talking when he came Over and said to her a i can touch you there mentioning a private part in a very crude manner but i can to touch her there meaning me. We Are in our 50s, so he is old enough to know better. I Felt embarrassed and humiliated by the remark. I am sure the wife is going to bring up the subject of our going out together which i do not intend to do. How should i respond i am shocked that this did not seem to upset her. Gentle Reader Well miss manners is shocked too but chiefly because this did not seem to upset you sufficiently. Why did you not Point out that he not Only can to touch you but he also cannot speak of you in an insulting Way showing off that one has an intimate relationship with ones spouse is decidedly unappetizing to others which is Why society invented the wedding trip. People who Hope to excite envy by this behaviour should realize How often people think it is an attempt to disguise a bad relationship. But speaking obscenely of innocent people is a deep affront. The phrase that should have come to your mind is a How dare you a at this Point you need Only decline this couples company. But if they press their social attentions they should be told that you do not associate with people who insult you. Dear miss manners when i make a complaint about something my husband has said or done rather than discussing it with me he often reacts by either giggling or jokingly saying something like a ooh poor me a i feel so sorry for myself a. This further upsets me and sometimes makes me very angry. I done to like his reaction which Means nothing but disrespect. But my words done to seem to be effective. What can i do or say to Stop his annoying behaviour gentle Reader it seems to miss manners that marital disrespect consists of complaining about what the spouse says and does then getting angry with the Quality of contrition shown. Since you done to like the latter miss manners suggests you make it unnecessary by refraining from the former. It Ros  for this week Virgo aug. 23-sept 22 make Effort to improve property conditions. Be extra perceptive in discerning Friend s True mood. Libra sept. 23-oct. 22 new Contact provides leads you have been waiting for on career front. Much Short distance travel indicated. Scorpio oct 23-nov. 21 ambition and drive Are at Peak Impact of recent career shift becomes apparent. Efficiency is key word. Sagittarius nov. 22-dec. 20 spirit is dampened by failure to get social recognition you feel is due current lifestyle seems out of sync with emotions. Capricorn dec. 21-Jan. 19 it s of to splurge on luxury item for self. Hard work finally starts to pay off in recognition. Aquarius Jan. 20-feb. 18 ability to Market self puts you in Good position. You Deal with organizing assembling facts at work. Pisces feb. 9-March 20 sudden developments make Day hectic communication arrives from Scorpio that you must Ponder. A Aries March 21-april 19 tact and skill in mane vering opponent help business Deal go through pet project can be successfully promoted. Taurus april 20-May 20 look closely at goals ambitions. Accent is on publishing communicating ability. Gemini May 21-june 20 friends seek you out for opinion expert testimony show of Force backfires on co worker so you come out ahead. Cancer june 21-july 22 fresh approach is necessary at work. New methods of production efficiency show Boss you re on the  july 23-aug. 22 information arrives that must be acted on quickly at work scene. Others Are saying you should have been forewarned. Copley news service Page 10 a sunday september 1, 1991