European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - September 1, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse French film a la Femme Nikita Isnit All junk o or License finally came through and we dedicated the Chloris sturtivant Day care Center last week. Our Moto is a guilt free toddler dump a _ n my. A it was ugly on a stick idea. So amp wanted the motto to be a guilt free toddler dumping for the financially Independent i vetoed that. A i think we should take Money from everyone a i told her a regardless of their ability to pay. After All this is anyhow Chloris sturtivant is ugly on a Sticks Christian name which she has been using Ever since Wanda Bodine told her it would be bad for business to name it the ugly on a stick Day care Center. And Here show it works ugly on a stick interviews each Parent individually and asks them questions like a have you Ever tried to murder this child and what was he doing at the time a then she takes the answer to this question and develops an educational program for the kid. Lets say Little Teresa hates mamas new Boyfriend. Lets say his name it Arthur. And every time he comes Over to take mama out on a Date Little Teresa throws play dough on his silk jacket. And mama has to say a normally she Nevei does things like and Arthur acts like it does no to bother him. A ooh in a sure Teresa and i will become great friends one o these Days a he says. This is where i come in. Three times a week Chlori pays me to come Down to the Day care Center and dress up like various lame boyfriends of various desperate mothers. And then Teresa is encouraged to throw All the play dough on me she wants and i throw it Back at her and then we both jump into a mud pile and Sling dirt All Over a Couch. See the idea of guilt free Day care is that we let the kid do everything that the Parent hates for him to do at Home. We get it out of his system. By the times that kid gets Home he has punched so Many holes in the screen door that All he wants to do is listen to German operas on pcs. And Little Teresa has taken out All her frustrations against Arthur so that the next time the subject comes up she can More clearly articulate her emotions. A mom a Shell say a i have this problem with Arthur. Lets be grown up about it. I done to like to see you dating a Bald headed Weenie with Moss on his you can imagine the Relief All the parents will feel. Believe me we re Gonna make a Fortune with this stuff. Speaking of people who can to decide whether to make love or kill people la Femme Nikita is the first French flick in be reviewed since Emma null la a because everyone kept writing in to Tell me it was a drive in movie with subtitles. I tried to Tell these people that if you put subtitles on a drive in scree there will quickly be sub machine gun holes in that screen. But fortunately for us Vidmark entertainment decided to put it out on video in two versions a subtitled and dubbed a so now i can report to you its a combination of the terminator. The Playboy lingerie video and Gidget goes to Paris. Anne Pari Laud is one of those Skinny French gals who a always hanging sideways out of her clothes and shaking her head so her hair Sticks out like a Ragtop and she has this tendency to fall in love with those French Guys who talk like snakes and never change expressions. Arc a these Guys bored or stoned or what i never have figured it out what the Deal is with French actors. Anyhow she a a Junkie who wears really Clingy silk dresses until she gets arrested for killing a cop and thrown into the puke your guts out drug withdrawal prison and sentenced to a life term. Fortunately for her the French government is looking for an undercover political Assassin so they make believe she s dead and Start teaching her karate and How to use a computer mouse. Pretty soon she a running around in High heels and miniskirts blowing the brains out of ambassadors so that All the men fall in love with her. Twenty three dead bodies. Not breast. Pencil through the hand. Kneecap shattering. Two gun Battles. Biting. Kicking. Aard parking. Ballet dancing. Kung fun. Strait jacket fun. Syringe fun. Mouse fun. Drive in Academy a award nominations for Anne Pari Laud As the terminator in High Hicls for saying a Why ainu to my Mother Here a and a mister is this heaven Here or not a and a a in la kiss you again Jeanne Moreau who has been in every French movie since the beginning of time As the expert on a making her a woman a for saying a let your pleasure be your guide and can Hugus Anglade As the Weenie Boyfriend for saying a Stop before its too four stars by French standards. In other words three stars. Joe Bob says Check it bobs advice to the hopeless Victory Over communism the Rose bowl drive in on route 1, outside Richmond va., was totally remodeler this year and is packing Mem in. The Rose bowl is the Home of the greatest cheeseburger in Virginia a the Ron Smith of Richmond and Noah Scalin of new York remind us that with eternal vigilance it wont happen in your town. Dear Joe Bob any idea Why some articulate fool was Yelling a Safe sex during Gary pinup no a show at poor David a pub sept. 29? thanks just for being you Robert Holdrige Dallas dear Robert i was having temporary hallucinations about Joe Bob Briggs creators Syndicate the woman i was with. It happens when i drink tequila. Ill try not to let it happen again. Dear Joe Bob i work As an opera director and in be always wondered if you had a fondness for opera since often the plots Are so similar to drive in movie plots. Hear me out on this. Joe Bob. In almost every opera your requirements for an entertaining drive in movie Are met. Consider Tosea torture lust stabbing execution. Salome More lust Nek kid dance severed head fun. Susannah Lustful preacher no kid swim Shotgun fun. In be just scratched the surface. There has never been a real women a prison opera Ever written. I think the Market is there. If for nothing else it would give us one hell of a double Bill with suor Angelica. Any ideas John homies Louisville by. Dear John in a working on a new libretto now. Its called fat nymphos in chains. In be seen your opera stars. Easier to cast hey Joe Bob travel tip somewhere Between Dallas and san Antonio or somewhere in Texas on the front of a Lone Star brewery is a mutation museum. Lots of two headed animals ones with or without important parts. There a a Sheet there with legs and extra Heads sticking out everywhere. A True museum not like the Northern brain dead hell holes with third rate exhibits or ones with any modern Impre zionist Bull stuff White rocks in a Circle waste of time garbage. Love and Happy birthday Elizabeth Henderson Mout pleasant Mich. Dear Elizabeth arc you really the kind of girl that likes to drive around searching for two headed animals would you marry me dear Joe Bob i read your rules for behaviour in the persian Gulf. Now in a confused so please help me out. When you shake hands with an Arab is it of to use your left hand or should you use your right hand which you have to eat with thanks Gregg Hughes Downey Calif. Dear Gregg if you Wanna really Gross Mem out then shake with your right hand and accidentally Brush your left hand against their Bur noose the hand you Only just. Well. You know. As Ernest p. Worrell would say a Tecc by e wow w a wow wow. A a to discuss the meaning of ire with Joe Dob of to got free Unk in the mail and Joe Bob s world famous to Are the Wood in slut Ter. Write Box 2002, Dallas to 75221 Joe Dob s la line is 214-368 2310
