European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 15, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Odds amp ends miss Mann iks Judith Martin what exactly is sexual harassment in the workplace miss manners has noticed that people who Are upset about the Issue a both those who believe that it is not taken seriously enough and those who believe that it is so Undt in Abl As to inhibit legitimate behaviour a agree on one thing. They All condemn a unwelcome sexual attention in the workplace. One Side claims that it is impossible to judge what might be unwelcome and the other claims that they ought to be Able to do so. This is a problem that miss manners can solve. But first she must ask the question what is Welcome sexual attention in the workplace Welcome to whom even if the two people involved Are As Happy As can be is sexual attention in the workplace Welcome to the client who is wailing to get business done to co workers who May have to cover for preoccupied lovers and who worry that personal feelings could influence promotions and raises to the employer who is paying two people for the time during which sexual attention is being Welcome it is miss manners Contention that professional behaviour should be strictly Well professional. This does not include any remarks or behaviour that Call attention to gender however charming such overtures might be in the social Arena. But it goes further than that. It also Means ending the phony use of the forms of Friendship and Leisure in the workplace and not requiring pseudo socializing after hours As part of any Job the proper office Demeanour is cheerful and helpful but somewhat Distant and impersonal. It has been argued that miss manners system would end the human race the workplace is now the chief venue people have to meet prospective mates. But actually she is not All that mean. People who arc thrown together with common interests May get fond of one another and develop real friendships romances and marriages. Miss manners is Only mandating that they develop away from the workplace. Thus the one acceptable overture is a request to see another worker socially. This can be accepted in which Case the courtship changes location. It can also be politely rejected. Anyone who continues to invite out someone who obviously does not want to go would be guilty of bad manners under any circumstances so this should not be a matter of confusion. For that matter most of what is prosecuted As sexual harassment a threats grabbing obscenity vulgar remarks Nosy questions a can hardly be mistaken for any kind of decent manners. That such behaviour was the Standard of the workplace and one had to accept it has unfortunately often led to a lowest denominator Standard of behaviour taken up by former ladies As Well As non gentlemen. One of the Saddest hoaxes in the workplace has been the idea that a lady should use etiquette to ignore or discourage behaviour that is totally outside the realm of manners. When someone shows no commitment to the idea of civilized behaviour the heavier hand of the Law has to take Over from the lighter one of manners which is not equipped to administer serious punishment. But where there is no wish to offend and miss manners Basic Standard of formality is politely countered with a quiet request to be addressed formally or the silence that indicates that a joke has bombed an apology should be offered and accepted. That is How etiquette performs the useful function of keeping trivial and accidental transgressions from ending up in court. United feature Syndicate in it kit s a s Sagittarius nov. 22-dcc. 20 now is your Opportunity to get Back on track. Take it one Day at a time see the end result. Capricorn dec. 21 Jan 19 grab All of the opportunities that come your Way you make great headway in business. Know no limits. Aquarius Jan 20-feb. 18 shop and buy items wanted wine and Dine the right people. Slow Down and recoup at weeks end. Pisces feb 19-March 20 you can get off the Treadmill and make Progress. Delays and frustrations seem to disappear creativity abounds. Aries March 21-april 19 joint finances consume your every thought. If used correctly they could greatly Advance your status make it or break it. Taurus april 20-May 20 Many opportunities present themselves you must act to bring about the desired results. Luck is Wilh you gemini May 21-june 20 careful analysis is needed to stabilize your life Pul what you have Learned to Good use. No slipping Back cancer june 21 july 2? a harmonious balance with others comes with a relative ease of Effort. You Benefit greatly As a result. Leo july 23-aug 22 you throw material Security out the window with your sudden need to break free from your daily routine avoid crashing. Virgo aug 23-sept, 22 everyone you meet is Friendly and welcomes you with open arms. You must be doing something right. Keep it up. Libra sept 23-oct. 22 your sense of Contentment comes from your sense of humor. Laughter cures most ills. Spread the Joy. Scorpio oct 23-nov. 21 an old Friend comes Back into your life be careful of your attitude. Done to overdo  titanic sinks to new lows As holidays near Cindy Chambers Copley news service tis the season to be stupid is my motto As we begin making the rounds of Holiday parties. Its As though the part of my brain that keeps me from making a fool of myself disengages the minute it feels an expensive Zipper slide up my spine. My husband tries to protect me at parties by steering me dear of other humans. He knows that Given the Chance i will subject us both to indescribable embarrassment. As he puts it a show me a woman who says the first thing that pops into her mind and ill show you a woman who cats dam dip  unfortunately even a Slick on Label Reading a hello my name is squeaky Fromme Quot does no to prevent people from approaching me occasionally. After All they have no Way of knowing that i m the social equivalent of the titanic. At least until i open my Mouth. A where is your Lovely wife tonight a i once asked a colonel who was apparently going Stag for the evening. Before he could respond a tiny thought dawned in my primitive brain. Wasny the the Man whose wife. A a. Died lust month a he was telling me. Not satisfied with a humiliation of Mere global proportions i heard myself asking a Marc you sure a this is the stuff legends arc made of. I once addressed my husband s Boss wife As a Atlanta Quot for an entire evening a until my husband informed me much too late that her name was  at least id gotten the state right. Its hard to believe i have my foot out of my Mouth Long enough to talk to anyone but unfortunately 1 do. I once asked an avid golfer what his Handicap was a Only seconds before remembering that he had Only one leg. Then there was the time i got a Case of the giggles during a formal a dining  dining outs for the uninitiated Are those terrific military functions hat rate right up there with state funerals for fun and hilarity. Imagine everyone a Surprise therefore when i unexpectedly began to chuckle snort and finally drool uncontrollably during an otherwise serious speech on a the role of the fighting Man in testosterone  they finally scraped me off the floor with strict instructions to a slay off the  needless to say its not the booze that makes me this Way its my brain. Fortunately there Are a couple of advantages to it i rarely get invited to parties anymore and when i do i always have the Clam dip to myself. Cindy Chambers is a military family member in Schweinfurt Germany. Page 10 a sunday december 15. 1991