European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - May 17, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse Voice seeing red Over senseless meat nit pickers Joe Bob Briggs goes to the drive in Arentt you getting a Little sick of these a i done to eat red meat people first of All Why do they say a red meat right off you know this is a dimwit. The Only Way they know the difference Between foods is what color they Are. I could understand if they were ordering Kool Aid. I could understand if they said a i done to eat meat that a been injected with growth but All they say is a red meat a like if you got it really Black on the Char broiler they might eat it. Second if its such a great common sense idea Why Are they always trying to get everybody else to do it if they re so All fired certain they re doing the healthy nutritious thing Why Are they so insecure they have to convert the whole world they re As bad As christians. Done to even try that stuff on me. In a from Texas. We did no to spend 150 years learning How to Breed cattle so they taste Good just so one Day some Bozo could walk up to us on the Street and say a you know you really be eating that red what do you expect us to say a ooh of. Never what do you expect us to do Call up the King ranch and say a they you Guys i sea creature attacks Beach been thinking and in be decided we were wrong. Maybe we can convert everything to an Arugula and while in Mon the subject what the Heck is Arugula anyway and How come i never heard about it till the last five years and now its mixed in every single salad you Ever order in the �?T50s we would have thought it was something the russians sent Over to make us go Blind. Where was i of yeah. Red meat. They done to say a i Only eat nutritious they done to say a i done to eat meat that has bad stuff in they say a i done to eat red when i first heard this i thought they were talking about purebred Hereford cattle. That a a red cow right but they were talking about raw meat which is the Only kind that a really red. Veal is hardly Ever red but they done to eat veal either. So what do they eat a White and what do they mean by a White meat a fish and aha but what about red fish what about Pink Salmon yeah they eat that too even though its the wrong color. Speaking of White meat from outer space they bite is a new flick that asks the question a what would happen if a porno Crew went to Florida to shoot a movie about giant fish monster rapists at the same time that a Beautiful Brunette ichthyologists was studying suspicious giant fish monsters off the coast and some outlet space aliens were disguising themselves As giant fish monsters so they could invade local topless bars and suck the guts out of wet to shirt models Quot anyhow we have rubber lizards All Over the lot. Fish sex on the Beach and Best of All Ron Jeremy the porno Sta in a dramatic role. And that s the second time in three weeks evidently Ron after making approximately 94,000 of the a Laziest hard Core a rated movies in Western civilization is trying to Cross Over to legitimate films. Thirty two breasts. Sixteen dead bodies. Giant rubber Lizard attack. Teenager chewing fish monsters. One Guy literally sexed to death. Multiple aardvark ing. No plot to get in the Way of the Story. Head Rolls. Hand Rolls. Drive in Academy award nominations for Christina Veronica As Tammy the piece of meat in a porno film for saying a i am not just a piece of meat a Jeremy As a member of the porno Crew for calming Tammy Down by explaining How she is a an archetypal representative of your sex and Baldasare As the porno director for saying a this has got to be More than just a dirty movie a this has got to be the King Kong of porno two stars. Joe Bob says Check it out. Joe bobs advice to the hopeless Victory Over communism the Sunset drive in in Ontario Ohio just outside of Mansfield has reopened after being shut Down for two years. Vince Cornelius of Prospect reminds us that with eternal vigilance the drive in will never die. Dear Joe Bob in an article entitled a political correctness had a smashing year a the City of Berkeley has cancelled Columbus Day and replaced it with a indigenous Peoples is there really such a thing As Quot indigenous people a even the indians weren to always Here. I also like the new is. Magazine policy All articles about lesbians must be written by lesbians. Using the same logic All books about Hitler should be written by nazis All books about god should be written by god and All books written about Truman capote should be written by Gore Vidal. Daniel Rowe Seattle Beauty in they bite. Dear Daniel actually i really like this. From now on if is. Magazine Ever writes anything about me in a Gonna raise holy hell if its not written by a White male from Texas. Dear Joe Bob i fully agree with your stand on the absolute Freedom of the first amendment and i believe that it should be applied to All forms of expression not merely spoken and printed words. I believe the same Zeal should be applied to All 10 amendments of the Bill of rights. In regard to the second amendment i believe that not Only should every citizen be Able to own a fully automatic m-16 Rifle and a stinger missile but also anyone who can afford the $50 million Price tag should be Able to operate his own fully equipped f-15 fighter. Cliff Runkle Vallejo Calif. Dear Clift if i have a Choice Between having a world full of deadly weapons in which people can say anything they want and a world where people Are Safe from weapons but they Are stifled ill take the first one any Day any time any circumstance. Creator Syndicate to discuss the meaning of is Kurtti Joe Bob or to get tree junk in the mail and Joe bobs world famous my an the weird newsletter writ Joe Bob Briggs. . Box 2002 Dallas. To 75221 Joe Bob s fax line is always open 214 368-2310.the scepticism of the cynic this election year Linda Ellerbee democracy in be come to understand is being Able to vote for the candidate you hate least but this time i Tell you its one Tough Call. Do you believe these people arc they stupid or do they just think we arc the subject for today is a cynicism a the latest buzzword on the 1992 Campaign Trail. A buzzword is helpful in a Campaign much easier to peddle than say an idea because a buzzword does no to actually have to mean anything. It Only has to sound Good. George Bush never one to shy from using a buzzword when a buzzword is what is called for pointed out recently that there so a deepening cynicism about the Way things work or fail to work in he said this As though it were news to him. This just in the governments All screwed up. You done to say. The president did. He also said that to Many americans a government has grown More Distant. Too often the government we get is not accountable it is not effective it is not efficient and regrettably its not of no. Really did Bush discover these things for himself or would it be too cynical to suggest the term a voter cynicism is on his lips because his handlers told him it was a Good thing to talk about. With voters feeling alienated and angry at government Bush a popularity has tumbled and he has been hit by protest votes of 30 percent or More in the primary elections. The strategy seems to be that Bush will portray himself As a reformer fighting against a status quo Congress. An outsider. But wait Isnit he the president How can he he an outsider granted its not easy to pretend to be an outsider when you have a re sum of government service like Bush a. How Many years a 11? 20? but perhaps Bush actually believes he san outsider certainly his inability to get much of anything through Congress argues the Case. A a we be got to bring the ethic of responsibility Back into government a Bush said. And Only a cynic would Point out he said All of those things As he embarked on a Southern trip to fatten his Campaign War Chest by another half million dollars. Why in Charlotte n.c., 5,000 people paid $1,000 each to attend a fund raising dinner. Bush a re election Campaign already has raised More than $25 million which does no to sound to me As if cynicism were keeping people from giving Good hard Cash to the most cynical president in american history but then these probably Arentt people who actually went out and worked for that Money. And everybody running for Congress which seems to be everybody who Isnit already an incumbent is running on the a a cynicism ticket. By april 1, there were 677 House challenges and candidates for open seats on file with the Federal election commission the highest in recent years. At least 50 House incumbents already face serious threats to their re election. A in spite of the cynicism Quot said Bush a we see positive signs a new ethic of response Utility alive in America. Sure we do. Where on the other Side of the fight gov. Clinton has also been hitting the cynicism Trail. A scrap your cynicism a he told a rally at Philadelphia City Hall. A throw your pessimism in the garbage can. Go out tomorrow and. Take your country after you Willie. Wing features Syndicate May 17, 1992 sunday a i j. Page 21
