European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - January 08, 1995, Darmstadt, Hesse And now 1994 s Best and worst language awards Rob Kyff the events of 1994 certainly brewed up quite a concoction 12 Gallons of Whitewater a dash of o.j., a Lump of Gump Pinch of Tonya and an i of Newt. So it snot surprising that the year s language boiled Over too. Here s the 1994 edition of the Best and worst language bawl awards. Read pm and weep most overused word with president Clinton s health care plan thwarted in Congress gridlock nearly made a George Foreman like comeback to. Claim the title. But this year s linguistic Bald tire was arguably which was arguably the most worn out word in journalism. Cliches of the Yean at first the race seemed tilted toward Slippery slope level playing Field and downward spiral then peace process Core values and modalities transitioned into the Lead. But Down the Homestretch we discovered the win Ner Comfort seven deadly synonyms journalists were a sight for thesauri in november As they scrambled for words to describe the Republican sweep at the polls. Tidal wave Stampede juggernaut Hurri Cane landslide Avalanche and Cave in swamped most promiscuous prepositions no one spoke about an Issue in 1994 people spoke to an Issue. But Don t worry about about it s around and about in sentences like we re not about Rais ing taxes we re about helping Hillary Dickery Doc award where would we have been in 1994 without our safety net of Universal coverage health care providers and managed Competition with its automatic triggers most persistent trend nouns continue to verb like rabbits. Former nouns still wet behind the hears in clude ill message you no one wants to be term limited let s Calendar worst linguistic trend up talk. This is the Tendon by of Young people to raise their voices tentatively at the end of declarative sentences each sentence sounds like a question you be undoubtedly noticed this worst aphorisms of the Yean the Forrest Gump isms life is like a Box of chocolates and stupid is As stupid mixed metaphor of the Yean a National Public radio interviewee predicted the Whitewater hear Ings would be a Witch Hunt in a circus scary thing is he was right Best new cliche1 recalling the language of 1994 May have been painful but it was sure better than a poke in the Hartford courant a new spell sunday Magazine s Ward wit Page has added two language columnists Rob Kyff of the Hartford courant and Lydel Sims of the commercial Appeal in Memphis Tenn. They replace James Kilpatrick and will rotate with mainstay William Safirt of it new York times. Joking into 1995 Tony continuing the tradition begun Here Las year once again we proudly ring you into the new year with a Bunch of jokes. Why do we do this one because As a professional humorist it s my responsibility to offer people some meager respite from the harsh Ness of the world. And two i get to Type a few lines without breaking a sweat and i m outta Here for the holidays. So Here we go a career Sailor 20 years in the Navy is the Only survivor of an explosion at sea. He washes up alone on a desert Island. The next Day miraculously Cindy Crawford appears on the Island. Trapped there to Gether for eternity they become Friendly and in a few weeks they become lovers. The next Day a trunk of men s clothing probably flotsam from the Shipwreck washes up on the Beach. The Sailor takes out each piece and lovingly exam Ines it. He turns to Cindy and asks it she would t a mind putting on the men s pants. She puts on the men s pants. and would you put on the men s shirt he asks her. ".-. I. She s beginning to feel a bit strange about this but she docs it. _. Lie has her put on the men s jacket and the men s shoes and the men s tie. _. Would you pull your hair Back and put on the Sailor hat so you look just like a Man he asks. She does it and now she s feeling like something really weird is happening. One More thing Cindy. Would it be of if i Call you Bob she shrugs and agrees Bob he says -. Yes Cindy replies. Bob you la never believe who i m. Sleeping with. On their 30th anniversary Sam says devotedly to Myrna for our anniversary nothing s too Good for you. Whatever you want i la buy it. Let s go to Din Steiner Usa the sentiment it toe accuracy Bart Amsterdam Netherlands perhaps i should have warned him it � an acquired Ner wherever you want i la take actually Myrna says i was hoping to have a quiet dinner at Home and then Well go upstairs and heh heh try to recapture what we had 30 years Sothey have dinner and they re going upstairs when Myrna says out of nowhere i want what Sam asks. I i want _ a Honey it s late and. Sam you said nothing s Loo Good for me. Well i want snails. Please get me so Sam gets in his car drives to a chinese restau rant and picks up two buckets of snails. On his Way Home he sees a Beautiful Young woman in obvious distress standing by a car and waving a White hand kerchief. It s Only a Flat tire so Sam fixes it for her and gets into his car to go Back to his wife. But the Young woman insists he come up to her apartment for a drink. That drink leads to another and another and Sam and the woman end up us compromised and the next thing Sam knows he wakes up and it s 8 . Of my god Sam exclaims and he rushes to his car. " "-. He drives Back to his House As fast As he can. He takes the two buckets of snails from the car and spills them onto his driveway. Then he starts loudly Feho King his Horn. Hearing the commotion Myrna runs to the win Dow throws it open and begins shouting Sam where have you been it s 8 in the morning waving his arms wildly at the snails Sam urges. Them Onward come on fellas we re almost there. Just a few feet More. _ two Guys Are siting at opposite ends of a bar when one Calls out you know i think i recognize you. Are you by any Chance from Wisconsin yes surely i am the other Man answers. And do i detect a. Slight Brogue in. Your voice the first Man says. Might you be from Ireland Origi Dublin the other Man answers taken Aback. Dublin where did you go to school St Mary _ ./.,._ ,. _ St. Mary a i went to St. Mary s too what a coincidence and when d you get out. out in 1963.". No amazing i got out in 1963, too this is in credible -".-., the bartender leans Over to the customer in front. Of him and says we re in for a Long night. The o Mally twins Are drunk creators syn Dicalo Page 24 sunday january 1995
