European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - January 08, 1995, Darmstadt, Hesse                                T y forming letters for those occasions  new Day o one writes letters anymore. And if you really have to you Don t even have to write a letter anymore. You can a Cess one. V. Access the perfect letter for every occasion it said in the computer software Catalon i was Reading the other Day with a diverse collection of business customer office and personal letters expertly pre written for your  it was for a program 401 great letters that you and i know probably contains 401 pretty Good letters but not a single great letter. They re form letters letters of acceptance rejection thanks condolence recommendation. Letters asking for a favor declining a favor seeking a Job. The usual occasions in other words. But i was thinking. What about the unusual Occa Sions Aren t those the times where you might really need to have a pre written letter ready when you Are taken Aback struck dumb As it were f the answer dear sirs and madams respectfully is ryes. A ". So Here Are a few expertly pre written letters for the occasion you May never expect but for which you will be glad to have a letter when the time j comes. Feel free to add them to your computer file a  new York state lottery director 1 Broadway Center. Dear sir or Madam since winning the $2.5 million lotto last week it is my understanding that. I will receive $125,000 a year minus taxes which comes to about $90,000 in Cash income annually. This is a very Welcome addition to my income no doubt about it sir. However my a \ Countant advises me that if i had the $2.5 million in a Lump sum i could invest it in triple tax free Bonds and get nearly $175,000 a year. After due consideration t have decided that this is my preference. Therefore please Send me my Money now. Thanks for everything you have done for us up to this Point. Sincerely yours your name. -. V7 or. Oliver North -."-. 4008 Lake Glen Road Fairfax a. ?. Dear or. North As my Secretary told you on the phone today at this time we have no openings in our town for canine recovery specialists arid we do not anticipate any openings in the future. Should you be seeking a Simi Lar position elsewhere you May find it helpful to know that the term dog Catcher is no longer used in modern municipal employment parlance. While we were impressed with your special credentials especially whistling through your Teeth our canine recovery specialists Are now trained in More efficient methods of rounding up the strays. As to your ques Tion about the stun guns we have not issued them to the canine staff since 1987. We wish you Success in your search for employment. Thank you for your in Terest in serving our town. _ 1 regards your name Somerville Hazelbrook Australia virtual fantasy Pope John Pauli St. Peter s Square. Or a of. The Vatican " your holiness thank you so much for sending me a copy of your new Book. It looks very impressive and i will be Happy to review it or Blurb it for you As you put it so charmingly in your letter of last week -. Most humbly your name. 7. " " ,. General manager Boston red sort a 24 Yawkey Way. Boston mass. A 7. Ii. Gingrich " 1600 Pennsylvania ave. Washington do congratulations on winning the world series. How Nice for you after 111 years of failure it was especially Gratifying to see your boys beat that darned team from Cuba. As if statehood was t enough. -. Well keep up the Good work. Yours truly your name -.-". -.--. The Gap co Cool advertising co. New York . To whom it May concern. Enclosed please find the photo you requested of myself wearing an old pair of khakis during Rny senior year of High school. I Hope this fits in with your advertising concept though frankly i Don t get it. ,.plcase let me know if i can he of fur Thor assistance. Yours your name. Let me be the first to congratulate you on your great Victory Over the constitutional literal its and wish you the Best in your new role As Leader for life amen. Let the Guys Ayers Carp. As we like to Crow in our Bible study group coup d Chat Shyqo d eat god swill be done now if Only the lord would help the Fri to capture those traitorous Fugi tic so Ralph Nader and Bob   obsequious by yours your name new York state lottery director 17 r 1 Broadway Center " t Schenectady , dear sir or a radar " ". My accountant and i have reviewed  and decided to accept the terms of the $2,5 million prize distribution As set Forth by you in your rather Curt and unnecessarily sarcastic reply to our letter of last tuesday however no hard feelings sir. Re Gards to my fellow taxpayers in new York but Send All checks please to my Home  Pago where no one is sarcastic and the children work very hard and for just 25 cents a Clay in our new toy factory. Happily Ever after yours your name los Angeles times Washington Post news Sor Ico Page 26 sunday january 1995