European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - February 2, 1989, Darmstadt, Hesse                                The stars and stripes Page 11 dear Ann Landers when i read the letter signed John s Mother i thought there but for the Grace of god go  my son too was a Beautiful Happy baby who grew to be a compassionate and handsome Young Man when he was t bummed out on drugs. Six weeks ago Freddie agreed to go into rehabilitation. For the first time since he was 15, his eyes Are Clear and Bright and his conversation is coherent. We were Lucky and every Day i bless that Luck. But i had a lot to learn about the lifelong Road to recovery and i would like to share what i Learned with John s heartbroken Mother. Stop blaming yourself. In order to live with your pain you must admit that you were powerless Over the addiction that ruled your son s life. You Are right to say we need to educate ourselves. Part of that education is accepting the fact that there Are limits to what we can do. Our child no longer needs us to run his life and we can t Force him to choose recovery. You say you failed to keep the lines of communication open. I used to think that too until Freddie told me it was t True. I tried to get through to him but he shut me out. There is no Way to get a person to listen unless he is ready. Stop blaming yourself. Go to Al anon and get some emotional support. It s All right to Grieve for what is lost but Don t punish yourself for not having been Able to control your son s addiction. As mothers we always believe we should be in control of our children. Drugs and alcohol take that ability from us. Live your life for you and find serenity in the memory of your son As he was during his Best years. May you find peace. Mother of a recovering addict in  Mother it was Good of you to share the Wisdom born of experience. I Hope the millions of parents of addicted Chil Dren will find Comfort in what you have written. Good Luck and god bless. Dear Ann Landers my daughter is engaged to be married and i have an uneasy feeling about the Young Man. Hillary is 25, and i have told her How i feel. To put it bluntly i suspect the fellow is Gay. Rod is uncomfortable at family gatherings especially around my three sons. When they joke around Rod seems ill at ease. He is an intelligent person but very quiet. I guess what bothers me most is that he never looks you in the Eye. My younger daughter shared similar feelings with me about Rod before i mentioned mine. I have tried to talk with my husband about my suspicions but he says i m being unfair and that some men just Aren t masculine. Hillary has gone away for weekends with Rod and confided that they did have sex a few times in the beginning but he never enjoyed it much and suggested that they wait until marriage to resume it. She says that it s All right with her that sex in t that important it s just Nice to Wake up with someone beside you in bed. She says Shell Settle for that until after the wedding. I just can t believe any Normal healthy Guy could lie next to his Fiancee All night and riot want to go further. What do you think Ann mom in  mom in . I can understand Why you Are suspicious but it is possible that Rod has a very Low sex drive. Maybe Rod in t thrilled about sex but then neither is your Daugh Ter or she would t Settle for this. Be that As it May Hillary should be urged to seek advice from a professional. Reader questions benefits policy what do you do if your commander tells you he is going to take away All of your sick leave and your step increases put your retirement benefits on hold and Cut your annual leave Back to the minimum sound incredible it s not. This scene is being played out every Day All Over Usa eur. It began when Congress directed the military to run its morale welfare and recreation mar activities in a More Businesslike manner. That meant reshuffling jobs so that Bowling alleys exchanges and other activities which generate local Money called non appropriated or Naf funds would employ people who were paid from those Naf funds. Activities which did not generate Money such As libraries and gymnasiums would be paid by Congress with appropriated of funds. The difficulty with the plan is that employees can t take their retirement sick leave or other accrued Bene fits with them when they switch services from Naf to of. People with Many years of service stand to lose everything. To solve this problem Congress has asked the department of defense to develop a plan which would enable the portability of these benefits. That plan was due in december. Meantime in their Blind eagerness to please Over zealous commanders Are forcing unwilling Naf employees to convert right now and to literally throw away years of earned entitlements. This was not what Congress intended. Such actions Are a violation of Dod and a policy. To protect employees until these Benefit portability programs Are in place current army and defense policy is that such conversions will be avoided in All cases where individual employees will be adversely affected there Are Only two exceptions 1. If the conversions Are directed by higher authority or 2. If the conversions Are essential to the accomplishment of the Mission Para 2, a message Peck ass 211430z apr 81, subject conversion of employees from Naf to of positions. Usa eur has directed that All conversions of Naf positions should be halted until appropriate and Vance approval is received from them Para 1, usar eur message a Aga be 191031z feb 82, subject conversions of positions employees from Naf loaf. Despite this one Community recently attempted to Force a Naf employee to Volunteer for conversion to of by threatening to fire him if he did t accept. Another Community disguised the conversion As two separate actions by establishing an identical of position first and then abolishing the Naf position later. In a third Case a woman was reportedly forced into Early retirement so that her position could be converted. Mitch e. Chinn Mary h. Chinn we Brocken West Germany editor s note Tony Pinto personnel management specialist civilian personnel division office of the Deputy chief of staff personnel he usar pen pals please publish my name in your pen pal column. I am a 30-year-old Catholic. My hobbles include read ing cooking writing and listening to music. Teolita Baldelomar Tindal St. Daro Dumaguet City 6200, Philippines i am 25 years old and would like pen pals. I like music and Garden ing especially flowering plants. Cecilia p. Ceriale 0209 Purok everlasting new Bridge Calinagan 6200 Dumaguet City Philippines i am a 26-year-old English woman who would like to write to americans. My hobbies Are music writing parties and films. Andrea Clark 80 Longford Road Bognor Regis West Sussex po21 1ag England eur replies first the writers Are to be complimented for their detailed knowledge of a very current and Complex civil Ian personnel management Issue. I will attempt to place into United states army Europe Usa eur perspective the facts As we know them and to add whatever update there May be to the writers account. Re categorization of morale welfare and recreation mrw activities and the halting of reimbursement of Naf services with appropriated funds apr will result in a major restructuring of the army s mar work Force impacting both apr and Naf employees. In Usa eur the army s largest Naf employer react Wegori nation affects about 2,000 employees mainly in child development services youth activities and recreation converting from Naf to apr. Additionally about 500 Usa eur employees mainly in clubs Are being or have been changed from apr to Naf. Commensurate with the entry of re categorization on the scene Usa eur in concert with other major army commands strongly supported proposals to department of the army a that portability of benefits packages be developed for both apr to Naf and Naf to apr conversion. The former was within the Purview of a and department of defense Dod to make Hap pen the latter would require legislative change by the . Congress. In the Case of apr to Naf conversions the army chief of staff approved a a Community and family program review committee endorsement of a portability of benefits package. The package retroactive to Jan. 1, 1987, for employees affected by mar re categorize Tion contains the total Gamut of benefits to include non competitive appointment pay setting probationary period exclusion annual and sick leave medical arid life insurance and retirement. As the writer states Dod was tasked to develop by . 31 a legislative proposal for submission to the Congress that will provide portability of benefits be tween the Naf and apr systems. In a recent Telephone conversation with Frank p. Cipolla Dod director of personnel management we Learned that the Dod task Force had a legislative proposal ready to go. We under stand that the proposal Calls for an effective Date retroactive to Jan. 1, 1987, and contains the full Range of employee benefits similar to the a Dod apr to Naf package. Although one cannot guarantee Success Ful passage at this time be assured that Usa eur a and Dod continue to seek congressional support for the legislation. The writer makes a Point regarding the timing of Naf to apr conversions and relates these conversions to two messages one a a message dated april 21, 1981, and the other a Usa eur message dated feb. 19, 1982. The a and Dod policy espoused in those messages holds True today that is conversions will be avoided in All cases where individual employees will be adversely affected unless the conversions Are directed by higher authority. First Naf and apr conversions Stem from Reca Tego Riza Tion of mar activities mandated by the . Con Gress a higher  second a retroactively approved portability of benefits package will remove the Adverse effects on Naf to apr conversions taken prior to passage of legislation serving to make such employees  finally it does t make Good sense even if it May be legally proper to use soldiers dollars to pay for those mar services which can now be funded out of congressionally approved apr. Those soldiers dollars can be better utilized and Are becoming More and More urgently needed to support Naf activities. The a anal Helpes european edition col Jeffrey m. Cook Usa commander editor in chief it col Suzanne l. Phillips Usan Deputy commander editor in chief Marie Kominicki Mert Proctor Deane b. Mcdermott production manager managing editor circulation manager this newspaper is an authorized unofficial publication for members of the military services overseas. Contents of the stars and stripes Are not necessarily the official views of or endorsed by the . Government the department of defense or the . European command. The appearance of advertising in this publication including inserts or supplements does not constitute endorsement by the department of de sense or the stars and stripes of the products or services advertised. Everything advertised in this publication shall be made available for Purchase use or patronage without regard to race color religion sex National origin age marital status physical Handicap political affiliation or any other non Merit Factor of the purchaser user or Patron. Military address the stars and stripes Apo 09211. 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