European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 27, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse                                From Page 5 death Penally for anybody who runs for Congress More than twice. 27 Ross Perot angered by allegations of former Campaign staff members that he pried into their private lives threatens to release photographs of them naked. The summer s smash movie hit is Batman returns featuring a bizarre array of evil new characters such As the Penguin played by Danny Devito and cat woman played by escaped hotel Queen Leona Helmsley. Epa head William Reilly is arrested for whaling. Education vice president Quayle explains to a Detroit High school science class that air planes can Fly because of a big bees in the  1 with the Economy mired in a recession and democrats preparing to nominate a highly skilled campaigner in Bill Clinton Republican party strategists realize that their Only realistic Hope for guaranteeing George Bush a re election is to mess up Ross Perot a daughters wedding. 3 in a top secret nighttime launch the . Military orbits a nuclear powered $47.5 million state of the Art laser equipped satellite designed to mess up Ross Perot a daughters wedding. 7 a Freak tidal wave hits Daytona Beach fla., baffling scientists. 8 in a hopeful development involving the International debt crisis Brazil promises world Bankers that it will pay them their Money  in Daytona Beach the tidal wave mystery is resolved when satellite photos detect Ted Kennedy breast stroking about three Miles offshore. 9 the . Security Council meets in a closed session with representatives of the Cia the Fri the mafia the trilateral commission the Justice league of american and the fantastic four to finalize secret plans for Messing up Ross Perot a daughters wedding. World Bankers arrive in South America to discover that Brazil according to neighbouring Argentina moved out the night before after packing All of its natural resources into a a haul truck. 10 Bill Clinton in a shrewd tactical move designed to woo the crucial Dupar Lmont store Manne Quin vote picks a1 Gore As his running mate. Meanwhile the . Sixth and seventh fleets accompanied by seven thumped class nuclear submarines and elements of the 4th, 9th, 16th and 28th tactical air flying bomber squadrons proceed at maximum Speed toward a secret rendezvous Point in the Caribbean where they receive urgent priority code red instructions to a use whatever Means necessary including nuclear weapons to mess up Ross Perot a daughters  Eric Sevareid goes to heaven where he will be constantly mistaken for god. 13 True item in the Pacific Ocean the . Navy missile Cruiser Cowpens messes up during a training exercise and informs an australian commercial Airliner via radio that unless it changes course immediately a you will be fired  14 in new York delegates to the democratic convention sensing a Chance for Victory after 12 years out of Power Roar with approval when a passionate Mario Cuomo declares he a might still be  16 Ross Perot sacrificing personal gratification to save the nation from the devastation that would inevitably result from the International conspiracy to mess up his daughters wedding announces he does not wish to be president forcing Many of his followers to turn to their second Choice the Rev. Sun Myung Moon. The Surprise announcement sends a wave of elation through the democratic convention in new York where the new nominee declares that he loves his mom. 17 increasingly suspicious . Arms inspectors observe As iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein visiting a Street Market purchases a 17-foot-Iong a a Zucchini clearly labelled "50  a grim faced president Bush threatens to a Send troops partway to Baghdad then order them to Stop a in new York Bill Clinton nears the Halfway Mark in his acceptance speech. 18 Bill Clinton concludes his acceptance speech and sets out on a bus tour of the heartland with a1 Gore whose body is unable to Bend enough to fit in the bus seats so his aides stick him up on the Luggage rack still in a waving position. 22 the colombian government s commitment to the War on drugs comes into question after Pablo Escobar the worlds leading cocaine dealer manages to escape from the a Nigado prison along with nine henchmen by telling guards he needs to retrieve his Frisbee. 25 Clinton and Gore arc forced to abandon heir heartland Campaign trip when their bus is a a mistakenly fired on by the . Missile Cruiser Cowpens. 28 in the War on drugs the hideout of Pablo Escobar is located and surrounded by 2,000 columbian troups but the wily cocaine lord manages to make his escape after shouting Quot your Fly is Down a 29 in olympic basketball action the dream team defeats the Republic of Zwit 563-4, with Charles Barkley scoring 153 Points before being ejected late in the second Quarter for  1 this would have been an excellent time for South floridians to Check on their homeowners insurance. 2 in olympic basketball action the dream team seeking to save time defeats teams from Brazil Poland and Canada simultaneously. 5 by a 27-18 Vole the supreme court rules that once on the Island Gilligan is not legally required to obey orders from the skipper. 6 in olympic basketball the dream team defeats an invading Force of atomic death robots from the planet Dorg. Elsewhere in sports the san Francisco giants threaten to move to Tampa Bay. 7 True item the environmental Protection Agency declares that Lawn mowers Are a source of air pollution. All Over America deeply concerned Guys have no Choice but to abandon their grass cutting plans and take planet saving naps. 8 basketball legend Larry Bird retires citing concern Over Ross Perot a daughters wedding. 14 John Sirica receives the big subpoena. 18 As the Republican party facing an Uphill fight gathers in Houston for a crucial convention millions of Issue conscious american voters focus their full attention on Woody Allen and Mia Farrow 19 Pat Buchanan gives the Bush Quayle ticket a Nice boost appealing to a Broad spectrum of americans with a speech entitled a vote for us we re better than  the giants threaten to move to Dayton Ohio. 20 the troubled general motors corp. Announces that in an Effort to Cut costs it will Stop making cars. At the Republican convention its traditional family values night As delegates Burn a suspected Witch. 21 in a widely praised speech accepting his renomination president Bush showing a new awareness of the task ahead pledges to Quot think up some programs or  Hillary Clinton challenges Barbara Bush to a bake off. 22 vice president Quayle shrewdly stealing a Page from the democrats strategy embarks on an Oscar Meyer Winner Mobile tour of the heartland. The giants threaten to move to France. 23 Hurricane Andrew approaches South Florida. Desperate residents shop for plywood batteries flashlights and canned food. Roofers Price luxury cars. In politics representatives of the Bush and Clinton Camps begin negotiating the bake off format. 24 Hurricane Andrew hits the Mainland setting in motion one of the largest Domestic Relief efforts in . History As Public and private organizations Send in billions of dollars tons of supplies thousands of Relief workers and an estimated two insurance adjusters. 27 in politics bake off negotiations Are stalled when the Clinton Camp rejects a proposed All cookie format a spokesperson argues that a there has to be pie  29 confusion continues to plague the Hurricane cleanup Effort As an army Convoy transporting 50,000 tons of Relief spam through an area with no working traffic signals attempts to obey obscure hand gestures being flashed at intersections by Well meaning but highly non professional Volunteer traffic directors and winds up driving into the Atlantic Ocean where it is mistakenly fired upon by the missile Cruiser Cowpen sppt6mt& 1 president Bush in a move that his aides stress has nothing to do with electoral votes announces plans to build a major naval base in Illinois. 2 International arms monitors voice renewed concern when an operable nuclear warhead from the former soviet Union shows up in the action figures Section of a Passaic n.j., toys a a re us. 4 the giants threaten to move to the National hockey league. 6 general motors offers a credit card. 9 in a political scandal that the Bush administration can ill afford newspapers report that a state department political appointee has improperly used the Freedom of information act to obtain and distribute crucial information concerning Hillary Clinton s Brownie ingredients. Bake off negotiations collapse. In the troubled world currency Market the franc gains sharply against the Mark. 10 in a controversial decision Madonna wins the miss America pageant. 12 a team of surgeons at the Houston medical Center successfully implants a miniature Dinette set inside the brain of a 57-year-old asthma sufferer. A it won t help him a notes a spokesperson a but it is covered by  in sports the giants threaten to move to the 14th Century. 13 because of a manufacturing defect general motors is forced to recall 275,000 credit cards. In troubled world currency action the Pound Falls sharply against the lira knocking it into the pfennig vouch suffers a minor injury 17 with the nation facing harsh choices on major issues concerning the Economy health care and the Over spiralling Federal budget deficit the . Congress Long ridiculed for shortsighted political cowardice stuns its Many critics by summoning up the courage and vision to pass after heated debate a Law regulating Cable to rates. 21 True item a High school teacher in a Chicago us ii Irb reveals he punishes students by making them Isten to tapes of Frank Sinatra. In the ongoing world in Ruick crisis the yen Calls up dominoes and Dis Page 6 a sunday december 27, 1992