European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 27, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Miss Many is Judith Martin dear mias manners is it proper to continue sending greeting cards to a Parent for birthday Christmas fathers Dar Hen no acknowledgement or reciprocation has be Nade for Many years gentle Reader arc you asking miss manners whether a Lack of response from a Parent for Many years is a symptom that ought to be checked out or Are you trying to get her to agree that you have tried your Best to maintain a relationship through the use of greeting cards and to confirm that you May now cease this exertion with the satisfaction that your filial duties have been met parents who never respond to their children Are at Best extremely upset and at worst More or less deceased. Perhaps you ought to look into which it is. You might keep in mind that you have Given this Parent very Little to which to respond a printed card is the absolute minimum in social communications and a Parent who might have expected something personal May Well be too disheartened to reply. Dear miss manners someone on our office staff is writing unkind Anonymous notes of a personal rather than professional nature to various coworkers. Our question is How to respond to these notes. After the first few were delivered a full staff meeting was called to announce a company policy against such behaviour but the notes have continued. If we suspect a certain co worker should we confront her do we Send an Anonymous note to her gentle Reader no you done to Send anyone an Anonymous note. For one thing its now against company policy. For another targeting a Mere suspect in this fashion is unfair. Miss manners suggests that you hold an office contest for the most scathing insult received. Not Only will this immediately remove the sting but it will also confront the letter writer with the necessity of writing rude letters to herself thus administering her own punishment. Dear else manners a Friend who is in a wheelchair asks me to come Over almost every Day. When i get there we have things to do. I was wondering about eating dinner Over there. His parents Are the ones who invite me but is it proper to stay or to say i already ate it feels embarrassing when in a there at dinner time but my Friend is about to have surgery so that a one reason i spend so much time with him. Gentle Reader miss manners cannot Tell whether your friends parents consider continuing your visit through mealtime to be a Welcome distraction for him under the circumstances or an added Burden to them under the same circumstances. But she can teach you How to Tell the difference. Invitations issued when dinner is about to be served Are always suspect. It is possible that they Are genuine but the motive of your hosts being hungry and wondering if you Are Ever going to leave so that they can have dinner must be considered. Therefore give them an Opportunity to invite you before starvation sets in. When you arrive say hello to any available parents which you should be doing anyway. If they do not invite you to dinner then it is Safe to assume that your visit should be concluded at the end of the afternoon. Dear miss manners during my last relationship i Lent my Lover a Book that i valued. We broke up in a less than Friendly Way and i asked him to drop the Book in the mail. He said he would. After a week with no Book i called and repeated my request. Again he assured me he would Send it. Another week has gone by no response. Has my sex Lover committed a breach of manners and is there a proper Way to get my hands on the Book again gentle Reader it is always a breach of manners to be delinquent about returning borrowed items. But perhaps miss manners should create a special category of this transgression for people who hold hostage items belonging to their former loved ones. The spirit of flinging Back the engagement ring because its meaning is gone is not very much with us these Days. But hanging onto objects that Are really of value Only to their undisputed owner to make that person come and get them or simply to punish that person with loss of property is. When there is an emotional symbolic aspect to retrieving possessions it is Best to Send an emissary. A Friend who is a lawyer or a policeman would be Ideal but sending any representative would kill the notion that retaining the Book would be a Way to see you. It would also Point up to your former Beau How foolish he appears to be in the eyes of a third person for hanging onto your property after the relationship has ended. United feature Syndicate Capricorn dec 21-Jan. 19 your career changes direction done to be afraid to strike out on your own. Find purpose. Aquarius Jan. 20-feb. 18 think about lightening your Load of possessions. Learning what is valuable is the first step. Pisces feb. 19-March 20 take what you can use from a situation and leave the rest. Choose carefully Aries March 21-april 19 in your work there will be Many rewards. Include your partner in the Success. Taurus april 20-May 20 follow the saying a live and let  be careful not to judge others. Gemini May 21-june 20 watch out for manipulation. Look up words you done to understand. Let no one Sway your thinking. Cancer june 21-july 22 spend As much time As possible around the House. Home improvement projects go Well. Leo july 23-aug. 22 respond to Holiday greetings from afar. Write a Long letter. Keep it Light and creative. Virgo aug. 23-sept. 22 you re stuck with an urge to splurge. Make purchases that Are useful and practical. Liora sept. 23-oct, 22 expansion in some form is slated. Watch your Waistline. Practice moderation in your diet. Scorpio oct. 23-nov. 21 this is a period of hibernation. Lay Low behind the scenes and wait for Spring. Sagittarius nov. 22-dec. 20 review your financial plan for the upcoming year. Lay a foundation for increasing your income. Copley news service carrying on into 1993, but the Load is heavy Erma Bombeck for years in be studied the Symbol of the new year a a smiling baby wearing a diaper and a top hat. What does it mean a beginning of life a time of innocence a plan for change then it hit me. For years in be been overdressed for the new year. I enter it with shoulders Bent swathed in All the ills of the previous year and when i can to Wear them All on my body i lug them along in heavy boxes and suitcases kicking them along with my foot to make sure All of them make it into the next year of my life. Wrapped around my neck is a Mantle of guilt some of it going Back As far As 1940. Guilt for the time my parents gave me a savings Bond for my High school graduation when i wanted a Silver Charm Bracelet and i threw the savings Bond on the floor the hair shirt of self pity is uncomfortable but for years it has provided me with enough ammunition to bring tears to the eyes of my husband and children. To discard it would be unthinkable. After All self pity if you do it right takes a Long time to amass. The Belt of prejudice is an old one. It encompasses anyone who does not agree with every single word i have Ever said. Id feel naked without it. The Large Footlocker contains anger. True a lot of it does no to fit anymore but i hang onto it just in Case in a caught Short. Adorning All of this Are the jewels of frustration Over things that i can never do anything about but which i Wear like medals to torture myself. The biggest piece of baggage contains old grudges that i sift through each year like old photographs and pressed Flowers. The critic who was unkind the one mistake from a Friend i want to forgive the Trust i gave a child that was abused the harsh words from a family member that i refuse to forget. Grudges Many of them Antiques that i plan on handing Down to my children. I done to know if i can face the new year without my clothes on. I done to know if i can Check into 1993 without Luggage. Can i look at old friends and see them for the first time can i keep my eyes Forward and not look Back do i have the guts to emerge with nothing on but a smile and a top hat in a Gonna try. Universal press Syndicate Erma Jombock is on vacation. This column originally appeared in december 1984.no kidding advertising never accepted by Playboy Magazine 1. Hair restorers 2. Slimming aids 3. Trusses 4. Self improvement courses 5. Athlete s foot powders 6. Acne cures Bunny the real Story of Playboy a sunday december 21, 1992