European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 18, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                From the cover our rigorous Holiday gift guide Quality Assurance procedure. Here s How it works 1. We see an item that we think might have the potential for being included in the gift guide. 2. We include it in the gift guide. And if that s not enough Assurance for you we also offer our famous no worry warranty if you Purchase one of these items and you re dissatisfied with it for any reason then we re not going to worry about it. We have enough problems of our own. Inflatable Beer hat 55.95 plus shipping and handling from love and kisses 2652 . 189th terr., North Miami Beach Fla. 33180, 800 749-5688 or 305 935-0033. For the name of other distributors Call Anagram International inc., Minneapolis Minn., 800 554 4711. Suggested by Diane Currie Richardson of North St. Paul Minn. Why is it that some people always seem to get ahead even if they do not appear to be especially likable or Are in fact total weasels not that we Are specifically mentioning Donald Trump the answer is that some people know How to dress for Success. They know How to select a proper Busi Ness wardrobe and they know How to accessorize it with sartorial touches that communicate the message Here is a class individual.",if you know a person who takes this kind of Pride in his or her appearance we can assure you that he or she would be thrilled to receive this item. This is an authentic plastic item that you inflate and attach to your head via an adjustable strap instantly trans forming yourself from just another face in the crowd into a face in the crowd wearing a giant inflatable Beer Mug. Many top Public figures get Excel Lent results with this hat. Vice president Gore virtually never takes his off. Queen Elizabeth ii keeps a dozen of these hats in a state of constant readiness for use in official functions. You might notice that the Pope also wears a variation of this hat. Portable Eye beams proximately $7.99, available at various stores. Mam facture d by custom accessories inc., 6440 w. To a d St., Niles Iii. 60714, 708 966-6900. Suggested by Mike Berry of Dodge City Kan. This item consists of two Battery powered lights mounted on the sides of an eyeglass like Frame so that when you put them1 on you aim beams of Light in whatever direction you re looking. The portable Eye beams were originally designed for hobbyists and mechanics but we think they would be Way More useful in business and professional situations where you need to make an impression or gain the upper hand by making Eye Contact. Imagine for example that you re trying to Clinch an important business Deal with a Cus Tomer who cannot quite bring himself to sign a contract you come on de sign it customer i m just not sure. Here you slip on your Eye beams and make direct Eye Contact with de at close Range temporarily blinding him customer of of Stop i la sign still blinded he takes out his pen and signs the table it is our understand ing that Jimmy Carter wears a pair of Eye beams whenever he is negotiating with top for eign leaders. This item is also Ideal for certain social situations. Let s say you have a Date whom you really wish to impress and you take this person to a sophisticated but dark French restaurant imagine the look of Stark admiration on his or her face when you switch on your Eye beams to read the menu you can also use this item to keep tabs on your waiter by constantly swivel ing your head to track him with twin beams of Light As he moves about the room you can run Gurgon but you can t hides a illustrations by Alice Var Brno worker substitution device $99.95 for Torso $19.95 for Button on legs plus shipping and handling from the safety zone Han . 17333-0019, 800 999-3030. This is a lifelike Dummy that looks like a ruggedly handsome Man who has a vaguely concerned look on his face possibly because he does not have any sex Ual organs whatsoever. It s called Safe to Man and it s marketed As a personal Protection device. The idea is that you put Safe to Man next to you in your car or in a chair where he s visible from the outside through your living room window and the criminal element willbe scared away. We think that s Fine for now but it s Only a matter of time be fore the criminal element which is highly adaptive develops criminal dummies who will not be afraid of Safe to Man who will intact attack him and literally beat the stuffing out of him. Then we will be Back to Square one.  we still think that Safe to Man is a terrific gift idea not As a crime deterrent but As a Semi life like substitute for people who Don t really need to be at their jobs All the time. Take psychiatrists. Do they really have to sit there for hours on end listening to pathetic losers droning on about their problems no they really Only have to be there at the beginning of the session to refer to their notes and say when we finished last time you were talking about topics Why Don t we Start there and of course they have to be there at the end of the session to schedule the next one. But in Between there s no reason Why Safe to Man could t handle the psychoanalysis chores while the Psychia Trist went out and did errands. And let s not forget the Job of commercial Airliner co Pilot. Really most of the time what is he doing he is just sitting there in our opinion and we frankly see no reason Why he needs to be in the cockpit or on most flights in the actual air plane. Here Are other positions that we feel Safe to Man would be More than qualified to fill person who answers the irs taxpayer assist Ance hot line. Department of motor vehicles clerk. � professional basketball player who always sits on the end of the Bench. Highway construction person. Night watch person. Guest on Geraldo today s topic men who have no sexual organs and Don t want to walkabout it. Page 4 sunday december 18, 1994