European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 18, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse Burned up Over branding of smokers Joe Bob Briggs goes to the drive in i he no smoking nazis have reached the Borders of new York City. You can say a lot of things about new York but the one thing i always liked about the place is that it was the last place in America that respected smokers. Some of the office buildings even have those Little fan systems Over each desk so that you can smoke while you that i think of it Why Don t All office build Ings have those Little smokers exhaust systems if everybody really cares about second hand smoke that much then this would seem to be the perfect Way to respect the smoker and the non smoker. V. But i be suspected for a Long time that All this i hate smoking business does t have a whole Heck of a lot to do with second hand smoke. These people Don t hate the smoke. They hate the smoker. And now they re trying to get some Kirvida no smoking ordinance passed in new York City. No smoking in any restaurant any bar any place at All. Even if they pass it it la be enforced about the same Way they enforce the jaywalking Laws. There Are just Way too Many pakistanis Anco French Guys who smoke 400 cigarettes a Day not to mention the Wall Street Corona Grandes shoot even the homeless people smoke cigars in new York City. But that s not the Point. The Point is that these people would even dare tory it. Of look. I m fed up. If we re Gonna Start drawing up ordinances then we ought give the bar owner or the restaurant owner the option. He can put up a sign non smoking joint or he can put up a sign that says smoke City. In other words he can make his place an All smoking environment if he wants to. It s up to him. And then it s up to everybody else whether they Wanna go in there so if you Don t like smoking go to a non smoking place. Speaking of patriotic traditions you know there s still Hope for the country when people keep putting out the mindless a rated teen sex comedy and we have one of the airhead champions of 1994 this week of course i m speaking of assault of the party nerds u the heavy petting detective. How Long have we been waiting for this sequel too Long. Richard Gabai is the producer writer director Star songwriter and sole casting Couch owner in the sensitive Story of a Sleazy detective who goes around Al Lay taking pictures of people in flagrant aard Varkus if you know what i mean and i think you do but he s pressed into service by grand fraternity wizard arte Johnson yes that s right arte Johnson is in this movie and told he must save his beloved Lambda Alpha Eta Brothers All three of them the Only three pathetic Guys left in the neediest fraternity on Earth he must save these geeks from being evicted from their frat House by the mean Ole zetas. In the name of Geek Solidarity he accepts the Challenge but not before doing lots of topless scenes with a movie superstars Linnea quigly and Mich Elle Bauer. In other words absolutely no plot to get in the Way of the Story. A woman of Nasty letters Cathy Nagan ignores Richard Gabai in assault of the party nerds ii the heavy petting detective. My Kinda flick. No dead bodies. Eight breasts. Multiple aardvark ing. Gratuitous hungarian deejay. Gratuitous Burt Ward. 7 ,. Drive Iri Academy award nominations for Tane Mcclure As the Ultra slutty min skirted Bimbo Secre tary and Rhonda Shear for having nothing to do in the movie but doing it quite Well As a Hick Bimbo who snorts like a horse and lounges around in a Bikini ".-". Two and a half stars. Joe Bob says Check it out. Find that flick this week s brain Bruiser comes from crazy Dan Marsh of Wayne Mich what is this movie it ends with three nude female skydivers that run into a radio or to station to take a video will be awarded to the Correct answer. Address below. Joe Bob s advice to the hopeless Victory Over greed the Cascade drive in in West Chicago iii., still pulls in enormous crowds on weekends and owners Jeff Kohlberg and poppy Cataldo have restored the old bottle warmer service from the 50s. You get a free bottle warmer for the baby at the Concession stand. Walter Szewczyk of Lombard iii., reminds us that with eternal vigilance the drive in will never die. a and Joebob Lay off will a us Home schooners us people who learn at Home take enough abuse already. T you can t believe what we go through. I mean it s not like we re studying to be journalists or anything. Anyway you got it All wrong. You Don t have to want to get a great education or even a Good Educa Tion to want to learn at Home. All you need is a mild aversion to stupidity and you re outta the Public school system like your butt s on fire. I Don t know if you read what i read but some thing like half of the adults in America Aren t literate enough to take a Bath. Ever spend time listening to the general discourse in a High school hallway it Ain t exactly Aristotle. Don t Tell me you did t spend most of your time in school tuning out teachers and vainly attempting to pursue your own interests or. Joe Bob Briggs. Ever take Texas history from a football coach ,. -. Cool san Antonio dear Cool i gotta admit you make a great Case for the stupidity of the Texas schools. But now we get into the second issued you really want those same White trash parents saying hell i la just teach my kid this stuff on the Kitchen table new York times Syndicate. To discuss the meaning of life with Joe Bob or to got Roe junk in the mail or his world famous newsletter write Joe Bob Briggs . Box 2002, a Las. Texas 75221. Joe Bob s lax number at his trailer House 214 985-7448. Joe Bob on Compuserve 76702,1435. Linda Ellerbee is it turning ugly out or what when did american politics become so mean because of what i wrote about recent elections i Veblen getting mail that makes me think i a crossed the Twilight zone into an America that looks like the real thing Only it s occupied by people who must be agreed with at All costs there were Obs Erie letters often vicious and Sel Dom signed and what they said will hot cannot be repeated Here. Citizens who began their letters with some version of dear Liberal Bitch hardly Bear mentioning they were so common but a gentleman from Houston spelled it out for the politically naive among us when he wrote we Only wish our Republican politicians were even meaner with their Liberal socialist communist environmental wacko Democrat gee sir i really do resent being called a counterpart. And so should you by the Way. Look it up. Also he suggests i kill myself if i Don t mind asking a Republican for a gun. Dear sir i sure appreciate your taking time to think of me at this Busy time of year a copy of the Bill of rights is on its Way to you and if you read it you May discover that before there was a second amendment there was a first. Surprise a fellow from Salt Lake City is one of Many a pm wrote to insist that i be misunderstood America completely and ought now to simply shut up. We be had enough of your kind of feminist crap. How dare you Call that Monkey Martin Luther King a great american we know what he was really like but you re too stupid to understand but no you la see something because real americans Are coming to Washington to show you frankly i feel that already i have seen too much a woman from Oregon Calls me a Man hater and on the rag because i did t criticize female candidates but then she does t count Arianna Huffington. ". \ ". 7/. ,. A Guy from Oregon Calls me an arrogant pseudo intellectual snob and Semi successful member of the Low life Media throwing in self serving Liber Al casually As though these Days it were almost a Given which it May be. As a Long standing card carrying member of the Low life Media i agree with him about liberals. Many Are pseudo intellectual snobs. But eing called Semi successful hurts. What i did was write what i thought about the elections and Abonit the people running. If it was t what you thought so what i m not running for miss congeniality Here but and i know this is going to make some people even madder can anyone explain to me Why when liberals Don t like something i be written yes Virginia it does Hap pen they convey their sentiments without stooping to obscenity or personal insult Why is that i Don t understand this Over the top anger this downright nastiness that says if i disagree with you then i m slime. I Don t get it. I really Don t. A woman who lives in Hillsboro Ore. What is it about that stat and whom i have greatly offended finishes her letter to me by writing How dare you you egotistical twit say i have this terrible tendency to believe that nost rational people think As i do " actually a am i was joking when i wrote that but now that i think about it i believe i rest my Case. Of course she also Calls me a total dupe and a nitwit so perhaps the woman knows something. And so it goes. King features Syndicate december 18, 1994 sunday Page 21
