European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 18, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Miss manners Judith Martin dear miss manners How does one respond to Christmas Carlers the caroling outside the door is delightful but i lived All my life in the City and i m quite embarrassed to say i Don t know what to do when they arrive. Even the Carlers Don t know. We wave simile and say merry Christmas thank you a. A. Gentle Reader with a sweetly seasonal smile playing about her lips miss manners was All set to prattle to you about cookies and hot chocolate when the dreaded modern reflex kicked in what if they re hoping to lure you outside in order to Mug you what if they re casing the neighbourhood to see whom to burglarized on new year s Eye miss manners obviously needs a Christmas Vaca Tion. Throughout the year just about every time she has suggested a kind or just decent gesture of humanity someone has written in a worst Case result in which a person who extended him or herself in that Way ended up being victimized. But never mind. We Are not going to let the but what if. Factor scare us out of All Good will and Joy Arete so do please Greet your Carlers in the traditional Way with a treat that they can enjoy quickly As they go on their Way and let us Hope that they do not refuse out of the fear that you probably poisoned it first. V. /. -. Y. " dear miss manners each Christmas eve i hostess an open House for both sides of the family. I love doing it spare no expense As far As food and spirits go and always refuse help with the refresh ments just wishing people to come and enjoy them selves.-. ".-. " last year a 6-Ycar-old grand Nephew asked me if i had a present for him As did his parents. Is it expected that i buy for All the Little ones the Cost and the time spent shopping and wrapping would be prohibitive As there Are Many Little ones. There is otherwise no exchanging of gifts at this party.". V. By by gentle Reader humming along As she pre pared to explain the gentle task of dealing with a pre civilized child who had not yet Learned to con ceal his greed with manners and to do this without embarrassing his parents miss manners suddenly Downes Usa i sax we owe him owe moremiwut6 Asp them 6t the a h6ck out of h6r6came to a screeching halt. I his parents asked to what did you get for Zachary or perhaps what did you get for us so the child also has pre civilized parents. It sounds As if he does t stand much of a Chance. But since they Are relatives of yours let us try. Be fore the party you might remind the Parent of the child s expectation last year adding i Hope Zach Ary won t be disappointed that this is just a party hot an Exchange of presents. Perhaps he s a Little Young to appreciate the value of family gatherings so i Hope Yourell explain it to him because i m eager to see him and i want him to have a Good  dear miss manners a dear Friend sent my daughter a Christmas ornament which says baby s first  it s Lovely. However my husband and i Are jewish. We do not celebrate Christmas. My Friend May have forgotten this As we now live far  v. Occasionally i also receive religious Christmas cards from friends or family some of my husband s relatives Are Christian. I realize they May have for gotten our background and try to appreciate that they remembered us. I Send generic season s greetings cards and thank you notes when approx private. What do i do about the ornament How do i politely avoid getting any More what do i do about people who know we Are jewish and still Send Chris Tian cards. A y y gentle Reader Many Christmas customs have become so far removed from associations with Reli Gion that miss manners has always counselled Assum ing that Only a vague All purpose Good will is in tended in cards arid presents sent to jews and other non christians by their Christian and sometimes even their non Christian acquaintances. But when a dear Friend and your husband s own relatives Don t remember that you Are jewish and do not celebrate Christmas something is wrong either with their attitude or with the situation. Miss manners prefers to share your Assumption that it is the latter. Nevertheless it should be Cor reeled -. Y. ,."the polite Way to let them know is to let some time go by Between the inappropriate gesture and the reminder. Thank you but you made a terrible Gaffe is not kind but just a week later a Holiday peculiarly suited to such a reference presents itself. In a new year s let Ter you cart both acknowledge their kindly remembering you and find occasion to mention that you do your real new year s celebrating in the fall. Later a card at the jewish new year can serve As a pleasant reminder. United feature Syndicate feeling incorrect address your etiquette questions in Black or Blue Black Ink on White writing paper to miss manners . Box 91428, Cleveland Ohio 44101-3428. The Quill shortage prevents miss Man ners from answering questions except through this column. Yayo Montreal Canada l i99-. Car Oon Isis &  Syndicate sibling rivalry wrapped up in Christmas gifts Erma Bombeck tallied up the Price of the gifts to my children the other Day and realized one is $2 Short of the amount i spent on the other two. There Are those who will say Christmas in t about Money. It s about Little tokens of love and giving and  i say to you you be been Reading too Many Hall mar cards. It s a stupid thing i m doing. I know that. Ask me Why i look both ways before i Cross a one Way Street. I Don t know. I just do it but i know for a fact that children Are born with microchips in their brains that record and store the exact Day their Brothers and Sisters got their first bicycle watch car. If you miss doing the same for one child within that time Frame then that Cari mean Only one thing you love his brother better than you love him. Every child in the family vies for the attention of his parents. Some will get it sticking two carrots in their nostrils at the table. Others will make All a s. Another will speak Only two words to you a year. But they re All in the race my husband says the kids have outgrown the Christmas tabulating routine. I Don t want to take the Chance. It s just going to be stocking sniffers 1 said.  " -. I m at the stage now if i buy a Candy Cane for one a postage stamp for the other and a stick of gum for the third i m paid up on my affection for another year. I know in my heart they re All grown up adults and Don t even think about such things at Christmas but years ago when they were Small i told my son the poignant Story of a town s quest to make the Chimes ring in the old Church. The townspeople were told that when someone put a gift of value and sacrifice on the altar it would happen one by one they offered Gold and valuables. The Church Bells remained silent. Then a Little Waif took off his coat which was his Only Protection against the cold and placed it on the altar. It was the Only thing he had. The Chimes rang gloriously. My son turned to me and asked what did his brother give Universal press Syndicate no kidding tinsel towns 1. Christmas Ariz. 2. Santa Glaus ind. 3. Mistletoe Kan. 4. Partridge Iii. 5. Holly Colo. 6. Ebenezer Ala. It s against the Law 1. England to sue the Queen 2. Paris to stare at the mayor 3. Shanghai China to own a red car 4. Reykjavik Iceland to have a dog As pet 5. Switzerland to be without a gun in Home 6. England to name a daughter Princess without the Queen s permission world features Syndicate Page 10 sunday december 18, 1994