European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 18, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                V a Bobcat urine. $8.99 plus shipping and handling from Johnson & company wilderness products inc., . Box 2009, Bangor Maine 04402-2009, 800 527 6766. We feel the need to stress that we Are not making this item up. This item according to its manufacturer is a bottle containing "100 percent real wild Bob cat  some Lucky person on your Holiday gift list will surely appreciate receiving this item especially if he or she has Learned from harsh personal experience just How difficult it is to obtain urine from a wild Bobcat. No Rex go in the Jar in the or boy the manufacturer which also Sells Fox urine and Coyote urine states that these products can be used As a lure or to create the illusion that Preda tors ate  we re sure that there Are plenty of people on your gift list who could Benefit from this item. For example a person seeking a mate could put a Subtle dab of Bobcat urine behind his or her ears so As to make himself or herself really stand out in the singles bar environment and lure a certain Type of individual Down Rex Down. We understand that Liz Taylor uses this product by the Gal Ion. -. V a. ". V this product could also be very Handy in situations where you need to Clear out a crowd. Let s say you want to Dine at a popular restaurant but there s a big crowd of people ahead of you waiting for tables. All you have to do is squirt some of this product around the waiting area and watch As it takes effect. Marge i cannot say exactly Why but i sense that predators Are present. Let s go to Taco  in a ,. A. Gat muzzle. V$6.26 plus shipping and handling plus $7 service i charge for orders under $20 from  Steele 1989 transit Way Box 910, Brockport . 14420, 800 872-3773 suggested by Laurie White of Kalamazoo Mich. This is the perfect gift for anybody on your Holiday list who needs for whatever reason to really annoy a cat. The Quick muzzle is designed for grooming or medical treatment. You re supposed to slip this muzzle Over the cat s head thereby covering its Mouth and eyes. According to the manufacturer this reduces the risk of cat  we Are certain that it does. But we suspect that it also vastly increases the likelihood that the cat will be transformed into a vision impaired ticked off flesh shredding machine. We have a vision of a cat Groomer or veterinarian running out of a building screaming with a blinded cat clinging to his head via claws sunk several inches deep into his Skull like some fur hat from hell. Bird tapeworm this is the perfect gift for the person such As your immediate supervisor to whom you would really like to give an intestinal parasite. This is an actual tapeworm. It came from a Bird and it was sent in for reasons that we still do not comprehend by Laura Erickson who wrote a Book titled for the Birds an uncommon guide Pfeifer Hamilton. This Book contains a lot of amazing in formation about Birds including the fact that they get tapeworms. According to Erickson s Book a sin Gle Duck can contain As Many As 1,600 tapeworms which explains Why ducks Are so Cranky. Erickson told us that the tapeworm she sent us came from a Nighthawk named bullwinkle. She did t Tell us the tapeworm s name so weve been calling it Roger. Roger is onh about the size of a Grain of Rice but he has a Jot of personality consid ering that he s dead and floating around in some kind of chemical solution. We talk to him a lot about things that Are on our mind. Roger we say can you believe some Guy wants $100 million a year just to play basketball Roger does t say much he s not a big sports fan but he s a Good listener which is More than you can say for a lot of people. Plus you can put Roger in your pocket and carry him anywhere which Means that not Only do you always have company but you also have Protection against assault by Vio Lent criminals. Get Back i have a tapeworm unfortunately Nighthawk tapeworms Are not available in stores. If you want one for yourself or for that special someone on your Holiday gift list you la have to use the technique that Erickson used to obtain Roger you sit around and wait for the night Hawk to go to the  you will do this if you really care. Jingle cats annoying Christmas tape $10.98 plus shipping and handling for cassette $14.98 for compact disc from National review music service dept. 05175,150 a 35 st., new York . 10016, 212 679-7330. Suggested by David Black of new York. Let s not mince words this is an entire cassette tape of sacred Holiday songs performed by cats. However it was made Jingle cats is guaranteed to be a continuing source of musical enjoyment for however Long you can listen toil. Wiir guess is 15 seconds Max. This tape is not easy listening. This tape is proof that when Bach composed Jesu Joy of Man s desiring he was not thinking in terms of cats. You will also come away from this tape firmly con Vinced that no matter what species the vocalists arc what child is this was riot meant to be performed in a Medley with Havana Ijah. This tape is Ideal for a person responsible for Security at a Large office building. Put this baby on the Public address system and the place will empty in seconds. This is the Only Holiday tape endorsed by the syrian secret police torture squad. J december 18, 1994 sunday Page